Whose fault is it that I’m not married?

I have seen a lot of blog and forum posts on marriage lately that appear discouraging to single young women, so I wanted to share a few thoughts . . .

It seems that a lot of folks have an idea that if a girl’s over 18 and not married yet, it’s her fault. What I’ve been noticing is a bunch of people saying that girls who aren’t married are A) too picky or B) not trying hard enough to meet “eligible young men.” Although likely true in some circumstances, I don’t believe it to be the norm.

It saddens me to hear so many negative comments regarding why young women are still single. Being single is not an evil!

Young women who state that they are enjoying their singledom and not actively seeking a husband are told that they’re simply not trying hard enough to meet young men. This is just absurd! The New Testament specifically notes that single folks have more freedom to serve the Lord. Why give that up for a “husband hunt”? Trusting in God to bring along the right person at the right time doesn’t mean that we sit alone at home 24/7, or that we hide from men. It simply means that we are living in the Now. If we are trusting in the Lord to take care of us and bring our husbands in His time, He will prompt us to respond when we need to.

Enjoying singledom does not mean that we don’t desire to be married. And trusting the Lord for our husbands doesn’t mean we don’t have or begin friendships with guys! But what Christian young man wants to make friends with a young lady only to find out that she really only wanted to see if he was good husband material? Additionally, attempts to make friends and to be social are not always as easy as they’re made out to be. We’re often told to just, “go to church,” “go to dances and events,” etc, etc. Trust me, sometimes a girl can go out seven days a week, meeting new people, visiting friends, and still not meet anyone marriageable, or at least not anyone who would be a good “fit” for them.

Certainly there are some young ladies, especially conservative, homeschooled young women, who just have their standards set so high that no mortal man could ever expect to meet them all. What is more often the case is that many of us simply know what God has called us to do in our lives and can understand when we will not be a good complement to a young man. And here is where young ladies are often told that they expect too much. (Oh, what fickle advice we receive! First we’re told to set our standards high and not to settle. Then when we meet young men that don’t match those standards we’re told that we expect too much. ) But often it’s just that the right guy isn’t around yet. It’s not pickiness – it’s prudence.

So, perhaps it really is our fault that we’re not married yet. But if it being my fault means that I’m serving the Lord, have great friendships with a variety of folks, and didn’t marry someone that I couldn’t complement, just to get out of being single, then I will happily accept the blame for my singleness.